This is where I first encountered ego—not as something to suppress, but as something to understand. Separating myself, allowing myself to be seen, was terrifying. But it was also necessary. While so many people heal by moving toward community, I had to heal by stepping out from within it. Engaging my ego felt confusing, even painful, but it was a tool I needed to break free from the fear that had kept me small.

I’m still unraveling, integrating as they say after ceremony with Mama Ayahuasca. Lots of reflection. I am definitely experiencing newness in the way I see things. Here are some thoughts…

To engage in community care without perpetuating extractive or invisible power dynamics, we must first recognize that care is relational.

There are the little fears—those fleeting, sharp pangs that spark and vanish almost before you notice them. And then, there are the big ones—the ones that settle into your chest and weigh you down, heavy and ever-present, like an ache you can’t quite stretch out. Some days, it feels impossible to hold both at once.